One of the most important things we can do for our children is to show them when we are frightened and how we move through our fears.
My journey to Thailand triggered me in my deep fear places to such an extent that I spent my first night sobbing to the stars on the beach.
Firstly, I had to spend a 12 hour flight frightened that I was going to have an anaphylactic shock as my throat kept swelling in response to a strong citrus spray that was filling the cabin.
Then I watched a film about a son who was fighting for his life in intensive care and I was taken straight back to intensive care with my son Zac repeatedly “dying” in front of my eyes and being brought back to life.
There is a point in the film where the mother looks up to the sky and says to God/dess “I surrender”.
This is a moment I reached in intensive care with Zac. It is almost impossible to describe but it happens when you have been pushed to the edge of death/loss so many times that there is nothing left to do except surrender, and in that surrender to the Mystery, to your child’s Soul’s journey, there is a sense of peace and oneness with the Universe that is beyond sublime.
Of course, it’s impossible to stay in that moment as our ego drags us back into our emotions, but life is never the same again once you have experienced that depth of surrender and oneness.
Nevertheless, watching the film brought back some traumatic memories that I keep hidden away otherwise I would struggle to function.
Then on arriving in Koh Samui, I had to get a speedboat to Koh Phangan through the roughest sea, which triggered memories of nearly drowning during a boat ride from Koh Phi Phi to Koh Samui in a storm in 1991.
As I sat on the beach looking at the stars that night, it hit me how far away I was from my children for the first time in 20 years of nursing them, and from a hospital in case I had an anaphylactic shock. And I felt terrified.
It took a couple of days to move through my fears until I began to relax and trust that I am exactly where I’m meant to be. But I was honest with my children, I shared my fears with them and then they witnessed me transforming them.
We will always feel fear, sometimes terror, however strong we are. The key is not running away. The key is breathing through it, surrendering and trusting, then walking forward, even if it feels like you’re walking off a precipice, because you will always discover you have wings to fly.
And that’s what this coming Full Moon and astrological alignment is all about.
With my Rose love and blessings
Annabel Du Boulay 🌹♥️🌹
Rose Priestess of Sophia-Magdalene
Priestess of Avalon